Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
