i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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