He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
