shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
