Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
