Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
