I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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