3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
