ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
