Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
