when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
