What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
