just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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