I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
