If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
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she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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