did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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