I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize