My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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