on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
