What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
