Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
