Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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