you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
