Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
