I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
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When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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