awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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