there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.