I hate all girls vehemently.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.