Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.