after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
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My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.