I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.