ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
