TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom