That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
