Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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