Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
