Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
