I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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