Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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