allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
