I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
