My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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