Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
