I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
