I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
