We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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