What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
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i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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