What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
