I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
