At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
