I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
