I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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