This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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