Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
