Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
