cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
