Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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