so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
