I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
