Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
