Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
