For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
