Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
