the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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