gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
