Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
