i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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