her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
