Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my god I love twenty year old dicks
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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