Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
