areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
