Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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