Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
